Happy 11th birthday, Noah!

Dear Noah,

Hello, my birthday boy! 11 this year. What?! Can’t believe it.

I always think about what our life would be like if you were here. With a summer birthday, would you be looking ahead to 5^th grade, or 6^th? Other kiddos with birthdays close to yours will be 6^th graders, so I think that’s what you would be too. That’s crazy. Would you be artistic, athletic, or bookish? You’d probably be the sort to play D&D with us down in the basement. You’d love books. You’d love helping others. I wish I knew for sure.

What a year. The world has gone mad. I often wonder what our loved ones that we’ve lost would make of all this. What would those former lifetimes look like, run up against this current reality? For you, that would probably be pretty scary. Under ordinary circumstances, a run-of-the-mill flu bug picked up at school would put a kiddo like you in the hospital. So, how would we not live in fear? My heart aches for families that still walk that line with their kids. Your lives are precious, and not worth risking. You guys are invisible in our communities – you don’t look sick. I know these special kids are out there though, so no matter what, we wear our masks and take it seriously.

We are staying home and safe. What an adjustment! Three of us are doing well with it. Dad, Aaron and I enjoy being home and living a quieter life. It’s harder for Katie though. She thrives on being social. As we laugh we say: she blossoms in front of an audience (like her favorite character, Olivia the pig!) We’re doing our best to find her online outlets for her extroverted self. The extra time together as a family is really a silver lining. I love our family! Even though it would be stressful and scary, I’d give anything to have you in the middle of it all.

Not much volunteer stuff going on this year, and I miss it. It helps me keep you close. I know the world always needs volunteers and that my time will come again – just not right now. I’ll keep listening for you to tell me where to go and when, as you always do.

This is a strange year to be celebrating. We always like to do something big as a family. I know you would love all of us having fun in memory of you. However, this year, we can’t really do the sorts of things we usually would. We’ll make cupcakes tomorrow and blow out a candle for you. Maybe some hiking this weekend, where we can be by ourselves. A little anti-climactic, but we’ll do the best we can. Aaron and Kate are excited to celebrate for you, and their hugs are wonderful in the absence of yours. How has it been 11 years since I last had one of those? I still remember it though – what it felt like to hold you close. It was one of the best feelings in the world.

I love you, my sweet boy. 11 years in, and I still think about you and talk to you daily. You are just part of me, and I will always be grateful for you. I love being your mom.

Happy birthday.

Love,

Mom