Happy 6th Birthday Noah!

Dear Noah,

Every year that passes and you get another year older, it is amazing to me. Even when children are here, they say that it goes fast. I suppose it is the same for when you are gone too. Happy birthday to my 6 year old boy!

When I think of this last year, all I can think is “we did it!” You have helped to make some amazing things happen, and I am celebrating with you this year.

You have a sister! She is incredible, beautiful, funny, sweet, and absolutely perfect for us. As you know, the pregnancy with her was tough. I was sick a lot, and high risk. It was scary, but I just knew that you would protect her the way you protect Aaron, and sure enough, she is here, and we are both fine. Our family is complete, and it is such a tremendous blessing to sit here finally. Our beautiful family of five. I love the way that she has fit in like she was always meant to be here. You picked a perfect soul for us in Aaron, and thanks for doing it again with Katie.

You have also inspired federal legislation that is now in place that will save lives and ensure that those lives are given the greatest opportunity to be lived healthy and whole. I am SO PROUD of that accomplishment, and am dumbfounded that it has come to pass. I know you were behind it, motivating the right people to help tell your story, and for the open ears that heard it and were moved to action. What an amazing son I have! Superhero. I’m so proud to call you mine!  What happened to you was tragic, and to save others from living the same fate is such a healing thing for me to witness.

We moved to a new house. That was so crazy how that came to be - a series of events where we were in the right place at the right time. I was always unsure of how I would feel leaving your house that you lived in, but the truth is that that place haunted me. It gets to this time of year, when the videotape in my head kicks in whether I want it to or not, running me through what happened, again and again. I always hated being in that house in June, and no matter what I tried, I couldn’t make it stop, and feel at ease. I am hoping that this fresh start in a house ready for new memories will help. It is a wonderful place with open spaces, and lots of room for our family. The truth is that you will always be impossible to get over, but at least those physical reminders of how hard that night was are gone. Thank you.

I have to admit that it is strange to see other children your age start Kindergarten, lose their first teeth, and have other milestones that you would have reached this year if you were here. I do think if you when I see those happen. I miss that I won’t have those moments with you. Or, it is bizarre at times when your dad and I are having the time of our life, playing with Aaron and Katie, I find myself thinking about you, and wishing that our family could be complete with all of us here. I do miss you terribly, but thanks for the fun distraction of your amazing siblings. They are two wonderful human beings that I am blessed to share my life with. If I can’t have you here with me every day, they are a good fill in. They certainly don’t replace you, but are a big bonus to have in addition. All three of you guys are hands down the very best parts of my life, and the most fascinating people I know.

Your dad and I think about you every day, and miss you, miss you, miss you. We love you so much, and are, as always, so proud to call you ours. Happy birthday sweet boy.

Lots of love,
Mom