I always notice

It has been a little over a year since I lost my boy. I have learned to be a part of the world again. I smile, laugh, and act “normal” around people. I can do this with ease where I couldn’t a year ago. It isn’t fake. I do take joy where I can get it. I have learned to do that. Those moments are precious. No matter what I may seem like on the outside, rest assured that I always notice. I always notice that there is someone missing from my dinner table every night. I always notice at family gatherings that he should be there needing attention in the chaos. I will always notice that my younger son should have an older brother that is here playing with him and antagonizing him when I am not looking. I always notice that there should be someone I feel guilty over leaving behind when I go to work in the morning. I always notice that as I drive around town running errands that he is not there in my back seat babbling away in his baby talk. I always notice that when I do laundry on the weekends, that his small socks and outfits are not mixed in with our adult sized clothes. There are so many places where he should be in our lives. I always notice when he isn’t there. You may not, but I always will. I am his mother and I will never forget my child.