Letter written for the funeral...

Chris and I want to thank everyone for coming and supporting us today. It means more to us than we can say.

One of the hardest parts of this for us is that very few people got to meet this amazing little boy who has changed our lives forever. We’re pretty proud of him. We don’t want to hide him. What happened was a completely unexpected tragedy, but we love our son and want to share him and the story of his short little life with as many people as possible.

I know all parents are pretty biased towards their children, but I must tell you, Noah was the most beautiful little baby we have ever seen. The pictures hardly do him justice! We couldn’t take our eyes off of him, and we hardly ever put him down. He had a beautiful head of brown hair that was so incredibly soft, and he had the most amazing toes! As you can see from some of the pictures, he loved to spread his toes out as far as they would go. We hated to cover them up, because having them spread out like that looked like it felt so good!

His birth was textbook perfect. In fact, it was one of the most amazing moments of my life. Chris and I trained so hard for it. We took 12 weeks of Bradley Method classes to learn the best tips and techniques for natural childbirth. We read lots of books, practiced a number of different relaxation techniques, and I followed a strict diet and exercise regimen to prepare. The entire labor and delivery took 10 hours total, and it went beautifully. We labored at home for as long as possible. I sat on the birthing ball and we watched movies as things got more and more intense. My mom drove us to the hospital when I was in good active labor, and we arrived in time for me to proceed onto transition and pushing stages. My father and two best friends Mary and Jenny were in the waiting room cheering me on, and Chris, my mom and doula Candace were right there with me keeping me focused until that beautiful moment when Noah entered the world. It was such a bizarre thing, finally seeing him after all that time. He was pink and alert and had plenty to say! We were just amazed at what we had created. In the end, we were grateful to have done natural childbirth with him. It was the very best that we could give him. Finding out later how compromised his system was, we were glad that we didn’t pollute it with extra chemicals and toxins. And, his blood samples that may be able to be used to save other infants is as clean as it can possibly be. What a gift to give to try to prevent other families from going though this!

Seeing Chris as a father to Noah was among the most touching of all to me. During his birth, Chris never left my side. He talked to me through the whole thing, keeping me as calm and relaxed as possible. I felt safe having him there. All of the hospital staff, doctors, and our doula remarked at what an amazing husband I had, and his incredible ability to get me through it. Once Noah was born, Chris stayed with him while they cleaned him up and did the initial examinations. I will never forget his face through that. I was still being cleaned up and put back together by the doctor, and Chris was with Noah. Chris kept looking over at me with this incredulous look on his face. You could just see the amazement and wonder as he completely fell in love with our boy right there. Throughout Noah’s short life, no one laid a finger on that boy without Chris by his side overseeing what was being done. Noah and Chris had a really touching relationship. Noah knew who his daddy was! If he was fussy or needed his diaper changed, Chris was right there to take care of it, and could get him calmed down just as well as I could. I fed and cuddled with Noah, and Chris pretty much did everything else, with great joy and purpose!

Overall, he was a very quiet and peaceful baby. He snuggled a lot with us. He slept with us, and made lots of wonderful cooing noises throughout the whole thing. We loved his noises. We would mimic them, and end up having a whole cooing conversation with Noah. It felt so good to hold him close and do this.